Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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