I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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