Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
