yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize