hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
