Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
