Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
