Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It all started with a game of naked twister.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
