no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
