I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She bit a glass in half.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
