why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
