Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
