If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
