Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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