I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So many bounce houses so little time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
