O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
