i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
