Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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