no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
