Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
