how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
