We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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