Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life is pants optional.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
