I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
