im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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