So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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