if i can run in heels then i can drive
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
