I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
