Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
