she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
