matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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