Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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