is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
