I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
