Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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