Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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