I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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