It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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