they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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