I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
