ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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