i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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