marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
