umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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