Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
