The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
