No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
