Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
