i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
