I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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