Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
