I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
