I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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